What To Do When Your Marriage Lacks Intimacy:
This week our Titus 2 Panel answered the following:
My husband is happy in our marriage, but we are rarely intimate, causing me to struggle. What do I do?
How do you navigate setting healthy boundaries with family? (Regarding both personal boundaries & boundaries with children in the mix)
How do you balance being a Proverbs 31 woman while also taking care of yourself?
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How do you balance being a Proverbs 31 woman while also taking care of yourself?
Bethany
— Being a Proverbs 31 woman IS taking care of yourself. A Proverbs 31 woman: …. Recognizes her priceless value - verses 10 and 30. …. Cares for her husband (which in turn allows him the freedom to be a gentleman and care for her needs) - verses 11, 12, 28. …. Stays busy with productivity, giving her fulfillment in life - verses 11-27. …. Maintains a good daily schedule - verse 15. …. Exercises her body to stay healthy - verse 17 - and her mind to wisdom - verse 26. .… Spends time in the outdoors, which is good for her body and mind - verse 16. …. Does quality work in all she puts her hand to - verses 13, 18, 19, 21, 22, 24. …. Extends compassion to all around her, reaping the benefits of being a kind heart - verses 20 and 26. …. Sees and provides for her own needs as well as those of others - verses 21, 22, 14, 15. …. Clothes herself well - verse 22. …. Nurtures a home environment of love, order, and efficiency, which contributes to peace and happiness - verses 27, 15, 18. …. Raises her children to follow her Christ-like example, and they praise her - verse 28. …. Behaves in a praise-worthy way - verse 28. …. Understands that her looks are not the most important thing about her, it’s if she fears the LORD - verse 30. …. Does not speak of her own accomplishments, they speak for her - verse 31. — My mom taught me the acronym for JOY - Jesus, Others, You. Following Jesus’ example, living for him, we put God and others first. The world is self-centered. Christians ought to be Christ-centered. Sometimes we do need to take some time to ourselves, to refresh and recharge so we don’t burn out - Jesus did that as well (Mark 6:31). Just be sure that you don’t become wrapped around yourself and what you need. Live for the LORD, he will care for you.
How do you navigate setting healthy boundaries with family?
Bethany
I’ve been thinking on this one for a while. Setting boundaries can be such a sticky situation especially when it comes to family. The best thing I could say is, live your life by the Bible and by the Holy Spirit’s leading. Make sure your walk with the LORD is where it ought to be. Focus on yourself, your husband, and your kiddos - your little family unit. Stick to what you believe is right, stand firm on the Bible’s truth. Oftentimes boundaries just kinda take care of themselves, because people who feel convicted by you, who are running from the truth, who aren’t following after God, they won’t want to spend time around you. And yep, that will hurt. It may even be crushing, when it happens between you and someone you used to close with. Remember it’s not your place to bring them to, or back to, Christ. It’s your place to live like Jesus, live the truth, and be a shining light for God. In so doing you are giving them an example to follow, and those who will allow God to work on them will come around. When it becomes apparent that stricter boundaries do need to be set in place, like everything, go to the Bible. Each situation is unique and requires much prayer and seeking God’s face. Love them, but be strong in your convictions. Point them to Christ whenever you have opportunity, but guard your heart and the peace of your home. Reach out to them however you can (even if it has to be far contact like sending a card in the mail), let them know you care, but you can’t bend to whatever untruth they are living out - be it anger, bitterness, immorality, spite, fear, etc. The Bible gives certain guidelines on how to treat someone who is a professing Christian but is not living Godly - see 1 Corinthians 5 - and how to treat those who believe false doctrines - see 2 John 1. How can we reach a world we never touch? Jesus ate with “publicans and sinners” which the Pharisees judged against. Jesus’ response was, “They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick. But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” (Matthew 9:12, 13) We are lights here in this world. We have to spread God’s love. So don’t be afraid to love on people who aren’t the same stripe as you - just don’t do it at the expense of your faith and your family. May God bless you on your path of loving him through loving others! Matthew 5:16, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”
When Intimacy in Marriage is Lacking
Sarah
Intimacy in marriage is a “great mystery” according to Ephesians 5:31-33. Becoming one flesh is one of the greatest acts of vulnerability. In both the old and new testaments, God’s way has always been intimacy reserved for marriage. An initial thought is, have you communicated your needs to your husband? Transparent communication is often a precursor to physical intimacy, especially for women. Another question that comes to mind is are there any other “red flags” that you may be observing in other areas of your marriage, yourself or your husband that may be hindering intimacy? In my marriage, intimacy was affected by many forces – our children, religious legalism, comparison, the stresses of living in a sin-cursed world, sickness and expectations, just to name a few. Marriage is a journey together and communicating honestly about your needs for intimacy is crucial to moving forward in this journey. Know that you are not alone in this challenging topic of marriage intimacy.
In this practical discussion by Dr. Jordan Peterson, a noted Christian psychologist, he and his wife discuss this topic of the frequency of intimacy in marriage. Overall, there is some wisdom to glean and sound advice on how to go about discussing the matter with each other.
https://youtu.be/0cSJXkIqIt4?si=BbWdiP_Nn1LPQmbO
