Having a Husband Who Struggles with Addiction:
On the website today, this was one of the top questions asked. Our panel of Titus 2 Women have been so kind to answer this question and others. Their answers are full of much wisdom and hope that you can find their answers helpful.
Our panel answered the following:
-Advice for women whose husbands are struggling with addictions & keep falling back into sin?
-Life is really busy & I am struggling to have a meaningful relationship with God. I read the Bible, but it feels like I am doing it out of duty. What can I do?
-Is it Biblical to cut off or set strong boundaries with people who are toxic to you?
The Answers:
Kylie
Advice for women whose husbands struggle with addiction and keep falling back into sin?
Struggling with addiction can always be so difficult. The first and most important advice I would give is that you can not change their behavior by force but you can be an encouragement and support. Prayer and our example of our walk is the most effective way of planting and watering seeds.
Scripture tells us that the conversation of a wife can turn a husband’s heart. Her example of her walk, her holiness. Strive first and foremost to be the best and positive daily example you can.
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”
1 Peter 3:1-6 KJV
“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”
Matthew 5:16 KJV
“Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”
1 Timothy 4:12 KJV
“that ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God;”
Colossians 1:10 KJV
The power of prayer is SO so effective. The fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth a lot. And when we seek God and ask in faith He will help us and guide us.
“And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.”
Matthew 21:22 KJV
“If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.”
John 15:7 KJV
“And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:”
1 John 5:14 KJV
“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”
Philippians 4:6 KJV
“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”
James 5:16 KJV
I cannot give specific advice without knowing the specific addiction, but general advice. Be encouraged in the fact he backslides and continues to try again.
We will all be tested, tempted and tried. We will not succeed every time and often times will fail, but God always provides a way out of temptation. The fact he continues to try is something to be proud of and encourage.
“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13 KJV
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
Philippians 4:13 KJV
“All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.”
1 Corinthians 6:12 KJV
Be a support where he feels safe and comfortable confiding in you. That he knows he can rely on you to not judge or get angry, but lovingly help guide him back to the right path. To help him and encourage him to surrender to God. Sit down and have clear communication with him to find ways to help address the issue. The root of the addiction needs to be addressed and he needs to search for himself and ask God for guidance and strength. Don’t give up or be discouraged. Get into the word! Scripture provides the answer for pretty much everything. The more we renew our minds in the Word the more we apply it to our life.
Continue to seek God and have faith He will see you through. We are made perfect in our weakness and we are to rejoice in our trials and tribulations.
“My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.”
James 1:2-6 KJV
“Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: that the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:”
1 Peter 1:6-7 KJV
“And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”
Romans 5:3-5 KJV
“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”
Galatians 6:9 KJV
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 KJV
Life is really busy and I am struggling to have a meaningful relationship with God. I read the Bible, but it feels like I am doing it out of duty. What can I do?
(Kylie)
Life can feel like it’s overwhelming and out of control, but the thing that can recenter us and give us peace the most is rest with the Lord. It is so important to rest everyday with Jesus. to talk to him, think on and read scripture, and to try the Bible to our lives. The more we try to do these steps (even when we don’t want to, that’s probably when we need it most! Create habits and a relationship with Jesus!) the more we will want to spend time with the Lord.
There are ways to do this even when life is busy, it just takes a little discipline. Make it a priority to read a little scripture a day. Even if it is just 5 minutes when you first wake up, are waiting in line, evening when the kids are asleep, or anytime you can find it. Scripture is our instruction manual to living life in obedience to God. It is a living word. Studying your show ourselves approved to correct you know the truth makes our walk much easier.
“Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”
2 Timothy 2:15 KJV
“But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them; and that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: that the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.”
2 Timothy 3:14-17 KJV
“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, And a light unto my path.”
Psalm 119:105 KJV
“This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.”
Joshua 1:8 KJV
“So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”
Romans 10:17 KJV
“Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me.”
John 5:39 KJV
For the more you are rooted in scripture you are rooted in Christ. When you understand it and know it the more firmly planted in God's word you are and not easily led astray. Reading just a little bit of scripture a day even when we don’t want to create habit and discipline in our walk.
“For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God.”
Ephesians 3:14-19 KJV
I recommend steadying with a paragraph a day. Try not to just do a single verse as they can be misinterpreted without the surrounding context. Take that one paragraph and meditate on it throughout the day. Ask yourself these 4 questions about the passage and seek the answers.
Is there a promise in it that I can hold on to?
Is there a command in it I need to obey?
Is there a sin in it that I should avoid?
Is there something new in it I don’t know and need to meditate on it?
Other things that have helped me when I’m struggling are talking to God throughout the day. Just random conversations, asking questions, showing my gratitude for small things, sometimes even ranting and complaining because I know He can take it and understands my emotions.
-When driving somewhere, ask Jesus to sit in the passenger seat while you drive.
-Thanking him for the beauty He created.
-Playing worship music while doing daily tasks.
-Trying to captivate my thoughts and make sure they are in submission to Christ.
-Ask Him random questions about silly things throughout my day.
-self examining my thoughts and actions before doing things to see if they are edifying or glorifying to the Lord.
-Find time to go somewhere quiet by yourself and just be still with the Lord.
“casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;”
2 Corinthians 10:5 KJV
“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
Romans 12:2 KJV
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
Philippians 4:8 KJV
There will often be times in our walk where we are not at our best, overwhelmed and struggling and can feel like we are just checking a box to do what we need. We should still continue to do these things to create these habits and continue to surrender to the Lord even when not feeling like it. As the more we do the more joy we find in it and the more we want to do it.
“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Hebrews 12:1-2 KJV
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
James 4:7 KJV
“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”
Isaiah 26:3 KJV
I used to often read my Bible because I felt I was supposed to but I never understood it, and forgot what I read right after. When we are actively seeking and praying for understanding is when we will get the most out of scripture. But that doesn’t mean He will not reveal stuff and build that desire in your heart to study scripture the more effort you put it. For God loves our effort. Loving and serving God is a lifelong thing. Reading, studying the scripture is lifelong as well and we will be continually learning until the day we die. Don’t try to rush learning everything. Focus on building a relationship with Him. Don’t be discouraged
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
Matthew 6:33 KJV
Is it Biblical to cut off or set strong boundaries with people who are toxic to you?
(Jennifer)
This is a hard one without knowing more details. This response will likely age me, but the term "toxic" is thrown around today in very serious matters, but also very loosely. So, I'll respond to "when is it OK to create boundaries or cut people off Biblically." I think the best way to get answers to this is through prayer/fasting for direction. Also, find a trusted older strong Christian women who is willing to walk through this with you, or a couple if you and your husband are struggling with it. What are your husband's thoughts on this? You will definitely find scripture that supports cutting people out of you life (I know you are already getting an awesome answer with some of these), but you will also find examples in scripture of persevering and being the light in other's lives. Some questions to ask, none of these will be clear cut without discernment from the Lord: --Am I in danger? Should I actually be calling the Police or Child Protection about this? --Is this relationship causing me to sin? One example, "I'm overcoming my alcohol addiction, but my friends are only willing to get together if we drink." But, then the answer might be different if it was "I'm overcoming my alcohol addiction, but my spouse/family member still drinks." --Self examination, are my actions and responses to this person echoing Christ, or should I be spending some time in prayer allowing the Lord to change me before I make this decision? Matt 7:3-5 --Am I being easily offended? Proverbs 19:11, Colossians 3:13, James 1:19, Google "Bible not being easily offended for more examples" -- Is the Lord asking me to move on, but I'm refusing to listen? --Am I making this person an idol (putting them before God) in my life? Luke 14:26, the word "hate" here means more like not prioritizing them above God
Miranda
-Life is really busy & I am struggling to have a meaningful relationship with God. I read the Bible, but it feels like I am doing it out of duty. What can I do?
Honestly, there are certain seasons of life where it does feel like a duty to spend time in the Word. That's actually OK, because it is a discipline. There is a natural cycle that we all go through with any discipline that is worthwhile.
Duty - "I have to..."
Discipline - "I need to..."
Delight - "I want to..."
We can go through this cycle many times throughout our lives, all within different seasons. The important thing is that you keep going!
Find some Scripture that motivates you to spend time in the Word and put it on a sticky note around your house.
Ps. 51:6-13; Psalm 63:1-4; Ps. 19:7-14 are some of my favs!
It's ok to change things up every once in a while, too! Find a devotional that helps you to fall in love with Scripture. Play worship music around the house. Start the day with a good dance party with the kids. "Good Day" by Forrest Frank, "Goodbye Yesterday" by Elevation, and "Praise" by Brandon Lake are some of our favorite ways to start the day.
Also, I highly recommend the devotional called "Well Watered Woman" by Gretchen Saffles for moms who are dry and weary. It is excellent!
Daily Grace Co. has some excellent Bible studies that help you dive into the Word when you need a little structure.
Ask a good friend to join you in a reading plan and discuss what you read together. Having someone else on the journey can be a huge encouragement in certain seasons. If you miss a day, it's ok. Pick up where you left off. Dont get bogged down in trying to keep up. Choose a short reading plan to start with.
All of this to say, persevere through the duty and discipline until you find your stride of delight. Cling to Jesus and it will come!
Romans 5:1-5
Advice for women whose husbands are struggling with addictions & keep falling back into sin?
(Miranda)
My husband got involved with a really solid men's group at a previous church, and it was in that group that he confessed to his struggle with a particular sin. And for him, once he confessed it to other biblical men, it was like a switch was flipped, and he was able to fight with conviction that he had not had before. That accountability from someone outside of himself and me was key in overcoming. It's been 14 years since then, and he has never gone back to his old ways. Encourage your husband to find someone outside of the two of you that he could trust and confide in. Someone that will not just help him justify his behavior but will pray with and encourage him towards godliness. Proverbs 27:17; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
