What to do When Your Husband is no Longer Attracted to Your Body?
This is the first post on the website for the Titus 2 Women. Every week, ladies in the CCW Community submit some questions and our panel of ladies answer! If you are in the Facebook group, you may have seen some of these recently! We are now putting them on the website for you to read and guess what? They will all be in one place! This makes it easier to find! You can submit your questions here! Click the button below to submit your question! These always stay anonymous!
This was a question submitted for our Titus 2 ladies! along with:
-How do you handle Christian family members who come out as gay, but do not see it as a sin? (I’m going to have them answer in regard to both immediate family, like children, and extended family)
-How do you intentionally live by faith & love in obedience to God’s word, and not by works alone?
These are questions our panel of Titus 2 Ladies is going to answer! Their advice is full of so much wisdom, so we are so excited to share these with you all!
KATELYN:
-How do you handle Christian family members who come out as gay, but do not see it as a sin? (I’m going to have them answer in regard to both immediate family, like children, and extended family)
Finding that balance of still showing love to others and making it clear on your stance is important, standing firm on our relationship with the Lord. I had a student ask me last school year if I supported the LGBTQ+ community, and this was a student that I still have a great relationship with as student and teacher. I clarified with him that my honest stance is that I don’t support the movement in the least, because it is sinful. However, the fact that he is gay doesn’t make me love him any less and it didn’t change how he saw me in the least. I’m still a mom figure to him, because of my honesty with him. The same can be said for family members and children. Ultimately it comes down to practicing what we preach, and continuing to walk in the path the Lord has laid out for us. They will take notice in the grace and love that the Lord shows through us, and eventually will hopefully come to the realization of their ways through that. I’ve personally seen it where someone who is in that community is starting to come to these conclusions on their own, after having been exposed to Christ so much through me.
“the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether.”
Psalm 19:9 ESV
“Say to them, As I live, declares the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live; turn back, turn back from your evil ways, for why will you die, O house of Israel?”
Ezekiel 33:11 ESV
“but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8 ESV
BETHANY
-How do you handle Christian family members who come out as gay, but do not see it as a sin? (I’m going to have them answer in regard to both immediate family, like children, and extended family)
One of my cousins is transgender, ‘married’ to the same sex, and engaged in all kinds of other sinful stuff. He and I don’t speak often due to not living near each other but we interact on social media and it’s always what I would call a good connection. I honestly convey to him that I love him, because I do. He knows however, that I do not support his lifestyle choice and he knows my beliefs are based on the Bible. I don’t allow his posts on my feed because they are largely disagreeable, but I don’t push him away. I can silently love him and pray for him.
Now if it was a family member who I regularly saw in person, I imagine that might be more difficult to navigate, especially if they’re claiming Christianity.
There’s no such thing as a genuine Christian who is in a lifestyle that’s against the Bible. ‘Christian’ means ‘Christ-follower’, which means the Bible is one’s guide. In today’s culture of “live your own truth”, people are primed for complete chaos and confusion, and we know “God is not the author of confusion, but of peace” (1 Corinthians 14:33) so all of this is from the devil, the deceiver of the whole world (Revelation 12:9).
Settle your feelings about it with the LORD, ask him to direct your heart as you live to love him through loving others. Affirm them in the ways you can without muddying the waters on what God says is a sin. It’s on the same grounds as above - love them, stand firm on what the Bible teaches, and live consistently. Consistency is crucial to credibility. The world will not take you or your God seriously if you’re all over the place with your so-called convictions. Jesus saved me from my sinfulness, he can do the same for anyone else and I am in position to be the one to point them to him, or run them off.
Remember though, that it’s not our place to save them. It can only be Jesus’ power. Do your part by living for Christ, and leave the rest to him.
— Matthew 5:16, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”
— Zechariah 4:6, “… Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts.”
— 1 Thessalonians 1:5, “For our gospel came not unto you in word only, but also in power, and in the Holy Ghost, and in much assurance; as ye know what manner of men we were among you for your sake.”
-How do you intentionally live by faith & love in obedience to God’s word, and not by works alone?
“The just shall live by faith” (see Habakkuk 2:4, Romans 1:17, Galatians 3:11, and Hebrews 10:38)
What faith is that? ….
— Galatians 2:20, “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”
…. faith in Jesus!
Who is just? ….
— Romans 3:21-24, “But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets; Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference: For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:”
— Romans 5:8, 9, “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.”
— Titus 3:5-7, “Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost; Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour; That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.”
…. those who are covered by Jesus’ blood!
With that established, how do we practically live out our faith? By practicing the teachings of the Bible. This is more exhaustive than we can cover here, but it starts with our attitude. Study the following verses and ask God to show you how you can apply them to your life and to your personal walk with him.
— Psalm 51:10-13, “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Then will I teach transgressors thy ways;
and sinners shall be converted unto thee.”
— Psalms 86:11, “Teach me thy way, O LORD; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name.”
— Psalm 139:23, 24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
— 1 Timothy 1:5, “Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:” (**FAITH UNFEIGNED**)
— 1 Timothy 1:18, 19, “This charge I commit unto thee, son Timothy, according to the prophecies which went before on thee, that thou by them mightest war a good warfare; Holding faith, and a good conscience; which some having put away concerning faith have made shipwreck:”
— Jeremiah 17:9, 10, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.”
— 1 Chronicles 28:9, “And thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind: for the LORD searcheth all hearts, and understandeth all the imaginations of the thoughts: if thou seek him, he will be found of thee; but if thou forsake him, he will cast thee off for ever.”
— Ephesians 4:20-24, “But ye have not so learned Christ; If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus: That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.”
KYLIE
How do you handle Christian family members that come out as gay but do not see it as a sin?
This is always a hard one. But we are always to look at scripture on how to handle things.
Scripture calls for us to walk in the fruits of the spirit and walk in obedience to the Lord. We are to stand firm on the truth of the word and there are ways to speak the truth in kindness. This doesn’t mean we need to have an argument with them about it. We can tell them we love them but we believe the Bible is truth.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.”
Galatians 5:22-26 KJV
“Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”
2 Timothy 2:15 KJV
“Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.”
Colossians 4:6 KJV
“This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. But ye have not so learned Christ; if so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus: that ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; and be renewed in the spirit of your mind; and that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.”
Ephesians 4:17-24 KJV
We are also called not to have fellowship with the darkness as children of light. Someone who is living daily in unrepentant sin is not living biblically or in obedience to God. When we follow our own fleshly desires daily and unrepentant we are not serving God. Many may call Him Lord, or call themselves Christian but it doesn’t mean not mean they are. All sin is the equal, but we are to not have fellowship with those that revel in their sin.
“If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth:”
1 John 1:6 KJV
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?”
2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV
“And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.”
Ephesians 5:11 KJV
“Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day: we are not of the night, nor of darkness.”
1 Thessalonians 5:5 KJV
“For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,”
Hebrews 10:26 KJV
“Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.”
Matthew 7:21 KJV
However this does not mean we are to be hateful or mean to them. We are still to be obedient and loving. We are to be an example. Treat them with love and kindness but continue to stand firm on God’s word. We can be truthful with how we believe the Bible and what it says. That homosexuality is a sin. But not having fellowship means we don’t hang out socially. We are to have fellowship with those like minded.
Let your walk and behavior be your guide. Be consistent it your walk! Be consistent in being obedient and living by what you preach or say. Walk with the fruit of the spirit. Continue to show love and grace but walk in truth as well. Let your light shine that your example may touch their hearts. Let Jesus convict them as it is not our job or place to change their hearts and behavior. Walking in the spirit being humble, meek, kind, joyful and with grace and being that example for others can often be what they need to seek God and be convicted.
“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”
Matthew 5:16 KJV
“Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time.”
Colossians 4:5 KJV
“but sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear: having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ.”
1 Peter 3:15-16 KJV
“that the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”
Romans 8:4 KJV
How do you intentionally live by faith and love in obedience to God’s word, and not by works alone?
Intentionally living by faith is living in the hope of evidence unseen. We live by faith believing in God’s word’s and promises.
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1 KJV
Once we have belief in the Lord and start to live in faith we try to walk in the spirit, getting closer to God and being convicted of sin, wanting to turn away from our fleshly desires and pick up our cross to follow Him. Once we begin to do this we trust in the Lord’s plans for us and apply the Bible to our life and live in obedience good works follow.
We do not do good works to check off boxes or because it is required. We do good works because we love God and our neighbor. We want our neighbor to experience the love of God. To see their reward in heaven. We want to see blessings happen to them. Even to our enemies we bless them and want them to be convicted and turn towards the Lord.
When walking in the spirit the fruit of the spirit will follow automatically. For works come from our faith in God.
We cannot have faith without having evidence of it. Our works our are evidence of our faith. Without works we do not truly have faith or obedience in the Lord.
“For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.”
James 2:26 KJV
“Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works.”
James 2:18 KJV
“Seest thou how faith wrought with his works, and by works was faith made perfect?”
James 2:22 KJV
“Ye see then how that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only.”
James 2:24 KJV
Renewing our mind daily in His word and captivating each thought to be obedient to Christ helps us keep our minds and walk focused on pleasing God. To show our love and obedience to Him.
“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
Romans 12:2 KJV
“casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;”
2 Corinthians 10:5 KJV
Some good examples of living by faith are trusting in His plan for us. Even when things seem the worst. Stepping out in faith to follow His will for you even when others disagree or think you are crazy. To walk in joy even when we have trials and afflictions. To be content when we are struggling and others living in the world are succeeding and living in luxury. To know that all things work for the good of those that love God. (I encourage reading stories of faith in scripture as well. Hebrews has great examples. Hannah in Samuel 1 is a great story of faith, Noah, Moses, David, Abraham, Rahab. We can still apply these types of faith to our lives today)
“But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. By faith Noah, being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house; by the which he condemned the world, and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith. By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went. By faith he sojourned in the land of promise, as in a strange country, dwelling in tabernacles with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise: for he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God. Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised. Therefore sprang there even of one, and him as good as dead, so many as the stars of the sky in multitude, and as the sand which is by the sea shore innumerable. These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.”
Hebrews 11:6-13 KJV
“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”
Galatians 2:20 KJV
“For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.”
Romans 1:17 KJV
What do you do if your husband is no longer attracted to your body after gaining weight, having a baby, etc.?
My advice would be to sit down and have an honest conversation and communication about this with your spouse. Talk about your feelings and concerns in a loving and respectful manner to find solutions together.
Remind yourselves of your marriage vows and actively choosing to love and cherish each other, even through struggles, hardship and trials, and even when physical attraction may diminish.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”
Ephesians 5:25-31 KJV
Focus on the inner beauty of each other. Scripture encourages looking beyond physical appearance as valuing the inner character , beauty and heart of someone is what really matters. What comes from our heart and intentions is what builds us as a person and are the qualities God values and loves. This is the example we should follow.
“Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:”
1 Peter 3:3-5 KJV
“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: But a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.”
Proverbs 31:30 KJV
“And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.”
Malachi 2:15 KJV
If communication between you is not enough alone. Seek guidance from professionals. Seek out your pastor or elder from your church or a Christian counselor who can help provide advice and professional tools and strategies to help navigate this in a biblical way.
Pray together, study scripture together and seek God’s guidance in strengthen your relationship.
Our self worth and the confidence we carry ourselves with can affect how others see us as well. Find your self worth in being a daughter of the Lord. Find your self worth in Him. Here are some scripture of those that struggled with self worth and overcame it with Gods love in them.
Genesis 1:27 (we are made in God’s image)
Romans 5:8 (God loves us unconditionally
Psalms 139:14 (we are fearfully and wonderfully made)
1 Peter 2:9 (chosen & precious in God’s sight)
1 Peter 1:18-18 (He bought us with the precious blood of Jesus)
Ephesians 2:8-10(Our worth does not come from worldly achievements or looks but our worth comes from God. Recognize your worth as a daughter of God)
There are many examples of people in the Bible that struggles with confidence, but gained it through God’s power and love of and through them
Leah -Genesis 29:17 (She felt unloved by Jacob and inadequate)
Moses-Exodus 3:11(expressed doubt in his ability to lead the Israelites due to his stutter and qualifications)
Rahab-Joshua 2:9-10( Felt unworthy as a prostitute)
Gideon-Judges 6:15 (He felt least and weakest of his family and unworthy to fulfill his mission)
Jeremiah-Jeremiah 1:6-7 (Jeremiah felt he was too young and inexperienced and doubted his own abilities to communicate God’s message effectively)
MIRANDA
-What do you do if your husband is no longer attracted to your body after gaining weight, having a baby, etc.?
My first thought is to ask if this is something that your husband had said to you, specifically? Or is this an assumption you are making based on clues he is giving you? I would strongly caution against making assumptions as to what our husbands are feeling regarding our bodies. Our minds play incredible tricks on our emotions, especially in topics such as self-image. Be careful not to project how you are feeling about yourself onto the thoughts of your husband.
With that being said, if this is actually something that you have talked about and he has shared with you these feelings, my highest piece of advice is to be gracious with yourself and with each other. Spend some quality and intentional time praying about the issue, both individually and together. Be honest with each other with your feelings, and ask him to help you get to the bottom of why he feels this way.
You may need to see a counselor to get through some of this. And that's okay! See if he will agree to you both having some introspection to reflect on what's true in this situation. I would gently ask him if he is struggling with any outside influences, such as pornography. Then, also ask yourself what factors in your life are contributing to him feeling this way. I would say that 100% this is a heart issue that needs to be addressed, but are there areas of your life that need to change for your own health?
If at all possible, make sure you have a chance to date each other. Sometimes, these feelings honestly stem from a genuine lack of quality time. There are lots of variables that could be at play here, and it's difficult to provide an answer that would fit every scenario. Prayer can not be overstated, though!
NOTE FROM ISABEL-
These women have truly given sound advice and wisdom. Share this post if you know someone it may help. Comment your thoughts below! Remember if you have a question to submit it to us. We will NEVER post your name, and you can choose to not have a post made of your specific question. I really hope these ladies’ wise words helps you all. I am praying for guidance and peace.
